Danessa has been and is going to be a very busy gurl. This month, I was dolled up for a show and then a week later was dolled up for Mama Savannah Georgia's show. This week I am not dressing up as Danessa, but I will unveil a new persona called Chyna Doll. This will be interesting. May is looking pretty busy. I am in Roxxie's show on the 12th and then a week later I'm in a competition as Danessa. Wish me luck there, for I am not really a pageant girl. June through August looks open for bookings, but will be back in gear for September 15th as I host and put on Danessa Jade's Underground show at Altera Lounge. I am working with a few people to spawn this into a tour. Danessa Jade's Underground Tour to start shortly after September 15th. Another wish me luck. I'm gonna need it. Thanks to all those who have been following me and paying attention to my posts. I love you all. If you haven't done it yet, Like Danessa Jade on Facebook. I would Greatly appreciate that. MUAH! ~Dave aka Danessa Jade
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Life update
My life has been up and down over the past month or so. I've been a bit busy with work and also with Danessa. I've been trying to clean up my room as much as I can and get it organized. My plan is to eventually move with a friend of mine closer to my performance space. we have to go down and look around for jobs for her. I am hoping to pick up a second job to help with the bills and everything. I have got to get my rear in gear to set up a budget that I can stick to that isn't going to over whelm me completely. I am thinking that once I get the budget established and also get into a second job, things will go smooth. I plan on staying at the travel plaza working overnights and asking for the evening shift at the Cigarete shoppe in Lisbon (as long as I get the position) so that I won't have any overlapping hours. I'm crossing my fingers that this will work out and that I can do better this time than last time.
Dear Marcus
No matter how hard I try, you will always own a piece of my life. When I finally fully fell in love, it was with you. To this day I still have bi-polar feelings for you. First I love you, then I hate, next I'll miss you, only to want to feel physical pain like I felt after you left. I feel like I know all I could ever know about you, yet you are still so much of a mystery.
We started out as friends. You were consistant on calling me when my dad was in the hospital, you were there for me when I didn't really have enough of a support system to help me. I was there for you when you had your own personal issues going on. Were were close, long-distant friends. As friends tend to do, we grew apart and went our own ways and continued our life. Then you would re-enter it. First you found me on myspace, then got up the never to text me.
I think over time we started falling for each other. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that is what I felt. I know I began falling in love with you for who you were or who you were pretending to be. I don't know, I've gone over everything in my head over and over, many times, trying to figure out what, when, and where in our relationship went wrong and possible fixes. I guess that isn't a question I can answer alone and probably for the best to let it be.
I'm still lost when it comes to you. There is still a part of me that is yours and nothing is going to change that. I guess it's what happens when you really fall in love with someone, you lose a piece of you that you can never really get back, it goes on and travels with them. Even though I may be dead to you, you still have that invisible piece that will always be there.
Please, don't mistake me with what I've said above, that doesn't mean that if you fall down on your luck and need someone to care for you and make you feel wanted and loved, you won't find that here. As much as there will always be a piece of me that is yours that will love you no matter what, it's not what will control my actions. As much as I may still care deep down, I also remember the hurt that I went through. Not only that, but as much as I've moved on, nothing mends over night. No matter how long you are away. Showing up after a few years won't change things. It would take me a while of you being around for me to eventually trust you again. That tends to be something you can't seem to keep, anyone's trust.
It's been a long and hard road. I've stopped hating you for what happened...and I've stopped hating myself for it also. Like I said, there are several theories in my mind of what exactly happened. I'm not sure which one is the real theory of if it's just a bit of all of them that I've never thought about, but it's no use dwelling over it. What happened, happened. It's in the past and that's all that matters at this point. I've learned from it. I don't think that there has been anyone in my life that has captivated me quite like you. If anything, thank you for being the one who, at least, helped me experience falling in love and also experience true heartbreak. ~Dave
Back story: I met Marcus back when I was working at McDonald's. At the time he was in a committed relationship but enjoyed talking to me as friends. There was never any indication that he was ever interested in me as more than a friend. We took time, got to know each other via e-mails and chatting on instant messengers like Yahoo and AIM. We became really good friends even though we had never met in person, nor did we ever plan to meet. I don't remember exactly, however I think we had decided that if we were to ever meet it would be fate that would bring us together.
As time went on and we continued our friendship we eventually decided that talking over the phone wasn't a bad idea. In May, I went with my folks down to Boston when my father had neurosurgery. He called me every day that week making sure everything was okay, getting updates on how I was doing as well as how my dad was doing. That is when I started falling for him. Shortly after the family and I got back from Boston, I stopped hearing from him. No calls, no letters, no IM's or texts. I figured that he was busy or something was going on, since my attempts seemed to fail also.
Almost two years later, he called me out of the blue and introduced me to his new fiance, whom I had known long before I had met Marcus. He started talking to me again being the friend that I had way back. He seemed happy but unhappy at the same time. I was happy for him and, admittedly, slightly jealous of his fiance.
One night while I was working at the hotel, he called me. He was upset and needing of a place to stay that night. I was staying at the hotel that night because there were warnings of a possible snow storm during the late evening and all through the night. He came and stayed with me that night. It was going to be our first time meeting. I was a little nervous and a little excited. After meeting him, I started falling for him even more. I found out that he had went back to jail a few days later for driving with a suspended license. I wouldn't hear anything more from him for a year and a few months.
By the time I heard from him next, I had already changed my phone and phone number, I was getting ready to leave the hotel, and was in the process of looking for a job to replace it. on a whim I went back to myspace after having abandoned it. I saw messages from him. I replied and we reconnected. We got together and started hanging out. He ended up meeting a few of my friends and they helped play match maker.
Things went from bad to worse, he eventually turned cold to me, not wanting anything to do with me, then leaving me for someone else. From what I've heard, he's in Arizona now. I didn't feel like going into detail about the end of our relationship, but believe me, it was a pretty rough end. It took me two years to fully heal. Thankfully now, I've forgiven the heart break but will always remember it, so that I can try and prevent it from happening to me again.
We started out as friends. You were consistant on calling me when my dad was in the hospital, you were there for me when I didn't really have enough of a support system to help me. I was there for you when you had your own personal issues going on. Were were close, long-distant friends. As friends tend to do, we grew apart and went our own ways and continued our life. Then you would re-enter it. First you found me on myspace, then got up the never to text me.
I think over time we started falling for each other. Correct me if I'm wrong, but that is what I felt. I know I began falling in love with you for who you were or who you were pretending to be. I don't know, I've gone over everything in my head over and over, many times, trying to figure out what, when, and where in our relationship went wrong and possible fixes. I guess that isn't a question I can answer alone and probably for the best to let it be.
I'm still lost when it comes to you. There is still a part of me that is yours and nothing is going to change that. I guess it's what happens when you really fall in love with someone, you lose a piece of you that you can never really get back, it goes on and travels with them. Even though I may be dead to you, you still have that invisible piece that will always be there.
Please, don't mistake me with what I've said above, that doesn't mean that if you fall down on your luck and need someone to care for you and make you feel wanted and loved, you won't find that here. As much as there will always be a piece of me that is yours that will love you no matter what, it's not what will control my actions. As much as I may still care deep down, I also remember the hurt that I went through. Not only that, but as much as I've moved on, nothing mends over night. No matter how long you are away. Showing up after a few years won't change things. It would take me a while of you being around for me to eventually trust you again. That tends to be something you can't seem to keep, anyone's trust.
It's been a long and hard road. I've stopped hating you for what happened...and I've stopped hating myself for it also. Like I said, there are several theories in my mind of what exactly happened. I'm not sure which one is the real theory of if it's just a bit of all of them that I've never thought about, but it's no use dwelling over it. What happened, happened. It's in the past and that's all that matters at this point. I've learned from it. I don't think that there has been anyone in my life that has captivated me quite like you. If anything, thank you for being the one who, at least, helped me experience falling in love and also experience true heartbreak. ~Dave
Back story: I met Marcus back when I was working at McDonald's. At the time he was in a committed relationship but enjoyed talking to me as friends. There was never any indication that he was ever interested in me as more than a friend. We took time, got to know each other via e-mails and chatting on instant messengers like Yahoo and AIM. We became really good friends even though we had never met in person, nor did we ever plan to meet. I don't remember exactly, however I think we had decided that if we were to ever meet it would be fate that would bring us together.
As time went on and we continued our friendship we eventually decided that talking over the phone wasn't a bad idea. In May, I went with my folks down to Boston when my father had neurosurgery. He called me every day that week making sure everything was okay, getting updates on how I was doing as well as how my dad was doing. That is when I started falling for him. Shortly after the family and I got back from Boston, I stopped hearing from him. No calls, no letters, no IM's or texts. I figured that he was busy or something was going on, since my attempts seemed to fail also.
Almost two years later, he called me out of the blue and introduced me to his new fiance, whom I had known long before I had met Marcus. He started talking to me again being the friend that I had way back. He seemed happy but unhappy at the same time. I was happy for him and, admittedly, slightly jealous of his fiance.
One night while I was working at the hotel, he called me. He was upset and needing of a place to stay that night. I was staying at the hotel that night because there were warnings of a possible snow storm during the late evening and all through the night. He came and stayed with me that night. It was going to be our first time meeting. I was a little nervous and a little excited. After meeting him, I started falling for him even more. I found out that he had went back to jail a few days later for driving with a suspended license. I wouldn't hear anything more from him for a year and a few months.
By the time I heard from him next, I had already changed my phone and phone number, I was getting ready to leave the hotel, and was in the process of looking for a job to replace it. on a whim I went back to myspace after having abandoned it. I saw messages from him. I replied and we reconnected. We got together and started hanging out. He ended up meeting a few of my friends and they helped play match maker.
Things went from bad to worse, he eventually turned cold to me, not wanting anything to do with me, then leaving me for someone else. From what I've heard, he's in Arizona now. I didn't feel like going into detail about the end of our relationship, but believe me, it was a pretty rough end. It took me two years to fully heal. Thankfully now, I've forgiven the heart break but will always remember it, so that I can try and prevent it from happening to me again.
Dear James
When I think of you, country singer Jessie James comes to mind. Her lyrics "I hate myself for losing you" comes to mind. It's true, I definitely lost something really great when we split. I really dislike my youthful self, I made a lot of really stupid mistakes thinking they were the right ones. I left you to go back to an ex of mine who wasn't really worth going back for. Wolves in sheeps clothing blend in among those in the pasture and turn it into a mine field. You are one of the the guys that I truly miss and wish I had treated better.
As part of my reminiscence, I wonder what would have happened if we had stayed together, would you still have dated me even thought you were going to college? Or would I have been a burden and end up going our separate ways anyway? I guess like a lot of life's mysteries, we can only imagine what would have happened. Just so you know, you were a really good part of my life and I want to thank you for being in it.
Backstory - James and I met online shortly after my ex, Eric, and I had our second falling out. I got along really well with him and his family. He was really shy at first and I found that extremely adorable. When I first met him, he brought a friend along with him, that friend was a former acquaintance of mine who was also friends with a former boss I had at McDonalds. Turns out he was also James' ex and he had brought him along for security. Little did he know, we had already met. James was very sweet and affectionate. I loved that he was blunt and would speak his mind. However, at the time, I was still facing demons of another kind. Eric and I didn't really have closure and were still talking. Don't jump to the conclusion that Eric and I were still seeing each other, because we weren't. we were trying to make the friend thing work, but Eric still had feelings for me and deep down, I still had feeling for him too that wouldn't really go away. As wonderful as James was, I really wasn't fully connecting with him at the time. I blame myself for that because when it comes to conversation, I'm not much of a talker. The time James and I shared was always great, however, when your mind wanders and wonders...it's hard to ignore it. I couldn't get past the choice I had to make and James was going off to college soon and I was also unsure about how that would work. In the end, I got a car and wanted my freedom. Possibilities were endless and I was about to embark on a new adventure. No more waiting around for a guy with a car...I could go to them. .....oh well, to be young and naive is to live and to learn...then kick yourself in the ass later, as long as you make it back.
As part of my reminiscence, I wonder what would have happened if we had stayed together, would you still have dated me even thought you were going to college? Or would I have been a burden and end up going our separate ways anyway? I guess like a lot of life's mysteries, we can only imagine what would have happened. Just so you know, you were a really good part of my life and I want to thank you for being in it.
Backstory - James and I met online shortly after my ex, Eric, and I had our second falling out. I got along really well with him and his family. He was really shy at first and I found that extremely adorable. When I first met him, he brought a friend along with him, that friend was a former acquaintance of mine who was also friends with a former boss I had at McDonalds. Turns out he was also James' ex and he had brought him along for security. Little did he know, we had already met. James was very sweet and affectionate. I loved that he was blunt and would speak his mind. However, at the time, I was still facing demons of another kind. Eric and I didn't really have closure and were still talking. Don't jump to the conclusion that Eric and I were still seeing each other, because we weren't. we were trying to make the friend thing work, but Eric still had feelings for me and deep down, I still had feeling for him too that wouldn't really go away. As wonderful as James was, I really wasn't fully connecting with him at the time. I blame myself for that because when it comes to conversation, I'm not much of a talker. The time James and I shared was always great, however, when your mind wanders and wonders...it's hard to ignore it. I couldn't get past the choice I had to make and James was going off to college soon and I was also unsure about how that would work. In the end, I got a car and wanted my freedom. Possibilities were endless and I was about to embark on a new adventure. No more waiting around for a guy with a car...I could go to them. .....oh well, to be young and naive is to live and to learn...then kick yourself in the ass later, as long as you make it back.
Monday, April 9, 2012
Dear Eric
I sort of blame myself for what has become of you. It appears to me that you have become just as jaded as I was after our multi-dysfunctional relationship attempts, or so I've heard on the circuit. We have both been used and abused, not only by others, but by each other. We still kept coming back to each other for one reason or another. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the fact that we couldn't get on the same page or not. First one would want a relationship when the other did not, then we would switch points of view. I blame that on our communication. You have to agree, our communication was and never really has been spot on. I hope that it doesn't seem like I'm pitting the blame of our failed relationship on you, because I'm not. There were things I could have said or did as well, however, at the same time, it works both ways.
Maybe, one day, we will manage to get our acts together and become better communicators and want the same thing at the same time and actually be something. I don't see that happening for a long time. I do know that the path we walk together currently isn't one that will bring us total happiness. When I do think about it and decide to come around, in hopes you may want to give us a try, I turn become special to you....only to be dismissed in the morning. If you were to ask me to come over, it better only be for a gathering as friends, and who knows, I may bring friends...because I refuse to let myself be pulled in only to be pushed out. Claims of wanting a family, yet all I see and hear are that you look out for one person when it comes to people you date, yourself. Keep in mind, you have to think of another when your dating too. There are worse things than being just a single Dad. Remember that. Because I faced it before you entered my life.
Hoping for the Best,
~ Dave
Back Story: I met Eric after I started working at McDonald's in Gardiner. It was sort of fitting because at the time we both worked at the same company (different franchise owners) and similar shifts. Our first attempt was ok. As far as I remember it, we split for a brief period because we didn't know when we would get to see each other again. At the time I didn't have a car and the last weekend during our first attempt, his decided to crap the bed. I miss THAT person, that I had met. since then this arrogant thing took control and he became very egotistical. We got together after a few months of not seeing or hearing from each other. That ended badly in which led most people to believe I was psychotic.
[ I have to separate from this story to go farther back. In between my relationship with Damian and Eric, I had met a guy who wanted to be friends. He managed to get my address from a friend and stopped over. I was raped in my own residence. I had been a complete virgin up until that point. What makes this part of the story a scary thing isn't the fact that I was raped, but that the guy was also HIV+. Now, before you start freaking out, I am completely disease free. The one thing that I was blessed with in that scenario was that he had a half decent head on his shoulders not to do anything that would put me at risk. ]
I went through a flash back when Eric tried to cuddle and fondle in the middle of the night when he stayed over at my friends apartment. The flashback was instantaneous and automatically reverted back to what happened and reacted the same way. I froze. My friend's boyfriend came home from work and he went back to where he was originally. I tried to wake my friend to talk but she was half awake and half asleep. I had a breakdown the next evening after I got out of work.
Since then, I see him when wants a piece. We've talked about getting back together, but nothing ever comes of it. I guess we had our time and it's all over now. It has now turned into one of those things that even if you got it back, it would never be the same.
Maybe, one day, we will manage to get our acts together and become better communicators and want the same thing at the same time and actually be something. I don't see that happening for a long time. I do know that the path we walk together currently isn't one that will bring us total happiness. When I do think about it and decide to come around, in hopes you may want to give us a try, I turn become special to you....only to be dismissed in the morning. If you were to ask me to come over, it better only be for a gathering as friends, and who knows, I may bring friends...because I refuse to let myself be pulled in only to be pushed out. Claims of wanting a family, yet all I see and hear are that you look out for one person when it comes to people you date, yourself. Keep in mind, you have to think of another when your dating too. There are worse things than being just a single Dad. Remember that. Because I faced it before you entered my life.
Hoping for the Best,
~ Dave
Back Story: I met Eric after I started working at McDonald's in Gardiner. It was sort of fitting because at the time we both worked at the same company (different franchise owners) and similar shifts. Our first attempt was ok. As far as I remember it, we split for a brief period because we didn't know when we would get to see each other again. At the time I didn't have a car and the last weekend during our first attempt, his decided to crap the bed. I miss THAT person, that I had met. since then this arrogant thing took control and he became very egotistical. We got together after a few months of not seeing or hearing from each other. That ended badly in which led most people to believe I was psychotic.
[ I have to separate from this story to go farther back. In between my relationship with Damian and Eric, I had met a guy who wanted to be friends. He managed to get my address from a friend and stopped over. I was raped in my own residence. I had been a complete virgin up until that point. What makes this part of the story a scary thing isn't the fact that I was raped, but that the guy was also HIV+. Now, before you start freaking out, I am completely disease free. The one thing that I was blessed with in that scenario was that he had a half decent head on his shoulders not to do anything that would put me at risk. ]
I went through a flash back when Eric tried to cuddle and fondle in the middle of the night when he stayed over at my friends apartment. The flashback was instantaneous and automatically reverted back to what happened and reacted the same way. I froze. My friend's boyfriend came home from work and he went back to where he was originally. I tried to wake my friend to talk but she was half awake and half asleep. I had a breakdown the next evening after I got out of work.
Since then, I see him when wants a piece. We've talked about getting back together, but nothing ever comes of it. I guess we had our time and it's all over now. It has now turned into one of those things that even if you got it back, it would never be the same.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Dear Damian,
Dear Damian,
I know I've sent you messages in the past apologizing for what happened between us. I do wish I had acted better and maturer. I was in the wrong and I'm sorry I hurt you. I ask your forgiveness, even though you have every right not to.
I would be lying if I said that I don't have moments where I think of you and wonder how you are doing or what would have happened if things happened differently....If I had acted differently. I can't change the past, but I can try to mold a better future. You will always be my first boyfriend and will always have a piece of me.
If I could ask you for anything, it would be to connect again. I'm not asking for a chance to fix what I had done or go back to what we had, but to wipe the slate clean and become friends. I'm not asking for a second chance at a relationship, but a first chance at a friendship. I never realized how lucky I was until it was way too late. I've grown up a lot since then, but I that doesn't excuse what I did.
In hopes of hearing from you,
~ David
Back story: At this time of my life I was about to finish my last year of high school and I was 19 turning 20 that summer. I was also freshly out of the closet....to my friends, at least. For me to be in a relationship meant I had to tip-toe around the people who didn't know I was gay...and it posed a challenge. I first met Damian through Myspace. We realized we lived really close by and had mutual interests. My best friend at the time lived on the same street as him, so finding a time to meet wasn't an issue. When we met, I found him just as intriguing in person as I had when I saw his profile online. He was very sweet and one of the best boyfriends I could have ever asked for. I had my first partnered kiss in the Gardiner Arcade as we hid from the rain. Every time I pass through it, I remember and smile. It is one of my most treasured memories. We probably could have made it as a pair, if it wasn't for my own fear and stubbornness.
I had invited Damian to go to my friend Holly's Summer Solstice party with me. He accepted. It was the first time him and I were to spend the night together and it had only been a few weeks since we started dating. I started getting nervous and scared instead of excited and anxious.When the day of the party arrived, I went on defense with a hint of offense. I let my fears take over and I treated Damian like dirt. Late at night in one of the tents, I opened up about how I was feeling. I don't remember everything that was said, but I know that he heard every word. My friends eased my fears, but I returned to Damian only to realize too late that I had hurt him badly. The next morning I watched him walk away. I wanted to apologize then, but my pride and stubbornness refused to let me. In the end, he moved to Nebraska, but before he left, he dedicated two songs to me. "Call Me When Your Sober" by Evanescence and "My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne.
Little known fact, Damian used to wear bandannas a lot. I'm not sure if he still does, but I wear them to remind myself of what I did so I don't let it happen again, and because It reminds me of him. My current song dedication to him: "If I Could Turn Back Time" by Cher.
I know I've sent you messages in the past apologizing for what happened between us. I do wish I had acted better and maturer. I was in the wrong and I'm sorry I hurt you. I ask your forgiveness, even though you have every right not to.
I would be lying if I said that I don't have moments where I think of you and wonder how you are doing or what would have happened if things happened differently....If I had acted differently. I can't change the past, but I can try to mold a better future. You will always be my first boyfriend and will always have a piece of me.
If I could ask you for anything, it would be to connect again. I'm not asking for a chance to fix what I had done or go back to what we had, but to wipe the slate clean and become friends. I'm not asking for a second chance at a relationship, but a first chance at a friendship. I never realized how lucky I was until it was way too late. I've grown up a lot since then, but I that doesn't excuse what I did.
In hopes of hearing from you,
~ David
Back story: At this time of my life I was about to finish my last year of high school and I was 19 turning 20 that summer. I was also freshly out of the closet....to my friends, at least. For me to be in a relationship meant I had to tip-toe around the people who didn't know I was gay...and it posed a challenge. I first met Damian through Myspace. We realized we lived really close by and had mutual interests. My best friend at the time lived on the same street as him, so finding a time to meet wasn't an issue. When we met, I found him just as intriguing in person as I had when I saw his profile online. He was very sweet and one of the best boyfriends I could have ever asked for. I had my first partnered kiss in the Gardiner Arcade as we hid from the rain. Every time I pass through it, I remember and smile. It is one of my most treasured memories. We probably could have made it as a pair, if it wasn't for my own fear and stubbornness.
I had invited Damian to go to my friend Holly's Summer Solstice party with me. He accepted. It was the first time him and I were to spend the night together and it had only been a few weeks since we started dating. I started getting nervous and scared instead of excited and anxious.When the day of the party arrived, I went on defense with a hint of offense. I let my fears take over and I treated Damian like dirt. Late at night in one of the tents, I opened up about how I was feeling. I don't remember everything that was said, but I know that he heard every word. My friends eased my fears, but I returned to Damian only to realize too late that I had hurt him badly. The next morning I watched him walk away. I wanted to apologize then, but my pride and stubbornness refused to let me. In the end, he moved to Nebraska, but before he left, he dedicated two songs to me. "Call Me When Your Sober" by Evanescence and "My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne.
Little known fact, Damian used to wear bandannas a lot. I'm not sure if he still does, but I wear them to remind myself of what I did so I don't let it happen again, and because It reminds me of him. My current song dedication to him: "If I Could Turn Back Time" by Cher.
Pet Projects Are Good Boredom Busters
On a whim I wrote down the names of all the Ex-Boyfriends I have, or at least the ones that I remember. I didn't count the ones that were out of state, lasted only a week or two, or didn't have a major impact in my life. I had begun wondering, as I looked over the list, "If I had their mailing address, what would I write to them?"
I figured that if I were to write, even if the letters didn't go anywhere, it would be a good project to help me deal with loss and closure, since there are one or two that I really didn't get that from. So began my spontanious pet project I dubbed "What I Would Say To You Now."
I started with my very first ever Boyfriend and continued to write to each one as if I were going to either mail it or hand it to them. My next few posts will be these letters. I Shall include background story in the end. I hope that if you read them, you will not think less of me or them. I decided not to withhold or change their names to mask their identity because I feel that by doing so I am saying that I am ashamed of being in a relationship with them or helping them cover up ever dating me. Also, If these letter get around, and/or possibly to the person they are about, I only wrote them to clear my conscience and get thoughts off my chest that I had always wondered about or wanted to say.
My side note to these Ex's (should they see it): If you find my letter to you unfavorable and feel as though I painted a very different picture of you, tough. These letters are from my perspective and I am telling it as I saw it. You may have your own opinion, and that is all perfectly well and good, but I too, have my own perspective. You may not like what you read, but to read it is/was your choice. I did not write these to deface any of you. If you feel the need to talk to me about what was written, you may certainly do so. If that conversation involves me being belittled for any reason whatsoever, I will cease communication and, if need be, take further action but only if necessary. I am not above talking over these letters with any of you, after all, you all have major parts in my life story. If you feel that I should remove your letter, once again I say tough. This is MY blog, MY opinions and thoughts, and MY choice. If you don't like it, don't read it. For the most part, you don't have much to worry about because the only people who really view the contents of my blog are close friends and, I'm certain, they have their own opinions of you as well.
Thank you for viewing my blog and I hope you find these letters insightful and inspirational. ~Dave
I figured that if I were to write, even if the letters didn't go anywhere, it would be a good project to help me deal with loss and closure, since there are one or two that I really didn't get that from. So began my spontanious pet project I dubbed "What I Would Say To You Now."
I started with my very first ever Boyfriend and continued to write to each one as if I were going to either mail it or hand it to them. My next few posts will be these letters. I Shall include background story in the end. I hope that if you read them, you will not think less of me or them. I decided not to withhold or change their names to mask their identity because I feel that by doing so I am saying that I am ashamed of being in a relationship with them or helping them cover up ever dating me. Also, If these letter get around, and/or possibly to the person they are about, I only wrote them to clear my conscience and get thoughts off my chest that I had always wondered about or wanted to say.
My side note to these Ex's (should they see it): If you find my letter to you unfavorable and feel as though I painted a very different picture of you, tough. These letters are from my perspective and I am telling it as I saw it. You may have your own opinion, and that is all perfectly well and good, but I too, have my own perspective. You may not like what you read, but to read it is/was your choice. I did not write these to deface any of you. If you feel the need to talk to me about what was written, you may certainly do so. If that conversation involves me being belittled for any reason whatsoever, I will cease communication and, if need be, take further action but only if necessary. I am not above talking over these letters with any of you, after all, you all have major parts in my life story. If you feel that I should remove your letter, once again I say tough. This is MY blog, MY opinions and thoughts, and MY choice. If you don't like it, don't read it. For the most part, you don't have much to worry about because the only people who really view the contents of my blog are close friends and, I'm certain, they have their own opinions of you as well.
Thank you for viewing my blog and I hope you find these letters insightful and inspirational. ~Dave
Monday, April 2, 2012
Updates and Love are Such Crazy Things
So It's been since the 15th of March that I have posted anything, so an update is definitely in order. First of all, Tim is no longer an option on the dating scene, however there has been a twist. A bartender, Jay, has shown interest and I find myself really into him. At first, I thought he was just another arrogant prick...but my first assumptions were wrong and now, dare I say it, I think I'm starting to fall for him. We are definitely going to get together, which reminds me he asked me to call him and will do that tomorrow.
Thursday's Stalker left a major wake up call. I still wonder who it is and if it was a joke or not. I guess since I haven't hear from them since then and It's already monday, I have no doubt that they are just pulling my leg. Either trying out Google Voice or something. I don't know.
So the possibility of love is something I am really hoping for. Jay is a really, really sweet guy and he's definitely a someone I've been waiting for for a long time. I <3 JM.
Thursday's Stalker left a major wake up call. I still wonder who it is and if it was a joke or not. I guess since I haven't hear from them since then and It's already monday, I have no doubt that they are just pulling my leg. Either trying out Google Voice or something. I don't know.
So the possibility of love is something I am really hoping for. Jay is a really, really sweet guy and he's definitely a someone I've been waiting for for a long time. I <3 JM.
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