Dear Damian,

Dear Damian,
     I know I've sent you messages in the past apologizing for what happened between us. I do wish I had acted better and maturer. I was in the wrong and I'm sorry I hurt you. I ask your forgiveness, even though you have every right not to.
     I would be lying if I said that I don't have moments where I think of you and wonder how you are doing or what would have happened if things happened differently....If I had acted differently. I can't change the past, but I can try to mold a better future. You will always be my first boyfriend and will always have a piece of me.
     If I could ask you for anything, it would be to connect again. I'm not asking for a chance to fix what I had done or go back to what we had, but to wipe the slate clean and become friends. I'm not asking for a second chance at a relationship, but a first chance at a friendship. I never realized how lucky I was until it was way too late. I've grown up a lot since then, but I that doesn't excuse what I did.

                                                                                           In hopes of hearing from you,
                                                                                                         ~ David




Back story:  At this time of my life I was about to finish my last year of high school and I was 19 turning 20 that summer. I was also freshly out of the closet....to my friends, at least. For me to be in a relationship meant I had to tip-toe around the people who didn't know I was gay...and it posed a challenge. I first met Damian through Myspace. We realized we lived really close by and had mutual interests. My best friend at the time lived on the same street as him, so finding a time to meet wasn't an issue. When we met, I found him just as intriguing in person as I had when I saw his profile online. He was very sweet and one of the best boyfriends I could have ever asked for. I had my first partnered kiss in the Gardiner Arcade as we hid from the rain. Every time I pass through it, I remember and smile. It is one of my most treasured memories. We probably could have made it as a pair, if it wasn't for my own fear and stubbornness.
     I had invited Damian to go to my friend Holly's Summer Solstice party with me. He accepted. It was the first time him and I were to spend the night together and it had only been a few weeks since we started dating. I started getting nervous and scared instead of excited and anxious.When the day of the party arrived, I went on defense with a hint of offense. I let my fears take over and I treated Damian like dirt. Late at night in one of the tents, I opened up about how I was feeling. I don't remember everything that was said, but I know that he heard every word. My friends eased my fears, but I returned to Damian only to realize too late that I had hurt him badly. The next morning I watched him walk away. I wanted to apologize then, but my pride and stubbornness refused to let me. In the end, he moved to Nebraska, but before he left, he dedicated two songs to me. "Call Me When Your Sober" by Evanescence and "My Happy Ending" by Avril Lavigne.
     Little known fact, Damian used to wear bandannas a lot. I'm not sure if he still does, but I wear them to remind myself of what I did so I don't let it happen again, and because It reminds me of him. My current song dedication to him: "If I Could Turn Back Time" by Cher.