I sort of blame myself for what has become of you. It appears to me that you have become just as jaded as I was after our multi-dysfunctional relationship attempts, or so I've heard on the circuit. We have both been used and abused, not only by others, but by each other. We still kept coming back to each other for one reason or another. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with the fact that we couldn't get on the same page or not. First one would want a relationship when the other did not, then we would switch points of view. I blame that on our communication. You have to agree, our communication was and never really has been spot on. I hope that it doesn't seem like I'm pitting the blame of our failed relationship on you, because I'm not. There were things I could have said or did as well, however, at the same time, it works both ways.
Maybe, one day, we will manage to get our acts together and become better communicators and want the same thing at the same time and actually be something. I don't see that happening for a long time. I do know that the path we walk together currently isn't one that will bring us total happiness. When I do think about it and decide to come around, in hopes you may want to give us a try, I turn become special to you....only to be dismissed in the morning. If you were to ask me to come over, it better only be for a gathering as friends, and who knows, I may bring friends...because I refuse to let myself be pulled in only to be pushed out. Claims of wanting a family, yet all I see and hear are that you look out for one person when it comes to people you date, yourself. Keep in mind, you have to think of another when your dating too. There are worse things than being just a single Dad. Remember that. Because I faced it before you entered my life.
Hoping for the Best,
~ Dave
Back Story: I met Eric after I started working at McDonald's in Gardiner. It was sort of fitting because at the time we both worked at the same company (different franchise owners) and similar shifts. Our first attempt was ok. As far as I remember it, we split for a brief period because we didn't know when we would get to see each other again. At the time I didn't have a car and the last weekend during our first attempt, his decided to crap the bed. I miss THAT person, that I had met. since then this arrogant thing took control and he became very egotistical. We got together after a few months of not seeing or hearing from each other. That ended badly in which led most people to believe I was psychotic.
[ I have to separate from this story to go farther back. In between my relationship with Damian and Eric, I had met a guy who wanted to be friends. He managed to get my address from a friend and stopped over. I was raped in my own residence. I had been a complete virgin up until that point. What makes this part of the story a scary thing isn't the fact that I was raped, but that the guy was also HIV+. Now, before you start freaking out, I am completely disease free. The one thing that I was blessed with in that scenario was that he had a half decent head on his shoulders not to do anything that would put me at risk. ]
I went through a flash back when Eric tried to cuddle and fondle in the middle of the night when he stayed over at my friends apartment. The flashback was instantaneous and automatically reverted back to what happened and reacted the same way. I froze. My friend's boyfriend came home from work and he went back to where he was originally. I tried to wake my friend to talk but she was half awake and half asleep. I had a breakdown the next evening after I got out of work.
Since then, I see him when wants a piece. We've talked about getting back together, but nothing ever comes of it. I guess we had our time and it's all over now. It has now turned into one of those things that even if you got it back, it would never be the same.
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