When I think of you, country singer Jessie James comes to mind. Her lyrics "I hate myself for losing you" comes to mind. It's true, I definitely lost something really great when we split. I really dislike my youthful self, I made a lot of really stupid mistakes thinking they were the right ones. I left you to go back to an ex of mine who wasn't really worth going back for. Wolves in sheeps clothing blend in among those in the pasture and turn it into a mine field. You are one of the the guys that I truly miss and wish I had treated better.
As part of my reminiscence, I wonder what would have happened if we had stayed together, would you still have dated me even thought you were going to college? Or would I have been a burden and end up going our separate ways anyway? I guess like a lot of life's mysteries, we can only imagine what would have happened. Just so you know, you were a really good part of my life and I want to thank you for being in it.
Backstory - James and I met online shortly after my ex, Eric, and I had our second falling out. I got along really well with him and his family. He was really shy at first and I found that extremely adorable. When I first met him, he brought a friend along with him, that friend was a former acquaintance of mine who was also friends with a former boss I had at McDonalds. Turns out he was also James' ex and he had brought him along for security. Little did he know, we had already met. James was very sweet and affectionate. I loved that he was blunt and would speak his mind. However, at the time, I was still facing demons of another kind. Eric and I didn't really have closure and were still talking. Don't jump to the conclusion that Eric and I were still seeing each other, because we weren't. we were trying to make the friend thing work, but Eric still had feelings for me and deep down, I still had feeling for him too that wouldn't really go away. As wonderful as James was, I really wasn't fully connecting with him at the time. I blame myself for that because when it comes to conversation, I'm not much of a talker. The time James and I shared was always great, however, when your mind wanders and wonders...it's hard to ignore it. I couldn't get past the choice I had to make and James was going off to college soon and I was also unsure about how that would work. In the end, I got a car and wanted my freedom. Possibilities were endless and I was about to embark on a new adventure. No more waiting around for a guy with a car...I could go to them. .....oh well, to be young and naive is to live and to learn...then kick yourself in the ass later, as long as you make it back.
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